Before I begin my usual rant, allow me a moment to clarify a point. This is not for those of you who accidentally lean a little too far into another’s parking spot. I’m not a perfectionist. Accidents happen. I am a caring and understanding person (for the most part). This is for the individuals – and you know who you are – who take absolutely no effort in putting their cars in the designated spot; several magnitudes worse, and if you do this, may you burn eternally in fire. I believe many people do this intentionally just because they can and the owners aren’t willing to deal with the situation. (This does bring on the question on the overall legality of multiple-parking-space-takers, to which I have no answer, though I would assure you that if I ruled the world, it would be very much illegal and with steep penalties such as jail time and water boarding.)
Remember that time you were driving down the parking lot of Wal-Mart – and, yes, I am assuming you have been to a Wal-Mart; If you haven’t, I’m severely certain that you shouldn’t have internet, you freak – and encountered that one person who left you seething because they didn’t take any effort to ensure that they didn’t veer too far into the next spot, or drove far too into the spot in front of them. This wouldn’t be so bad, normally, except these guys tend to feed on the spots closest to the front, just to ensure that nobody else can get a place closer to the front.
One time such an event happened to me. But this wasn’t the usual setup. Oh, no, not by far. Instead, this person had parked their blue-gray car right in the middle of four parking spots. Standing right on the intersection of the yellow dividing lines like the jerks they were. How should I deal with this, I asked myself, to ensure the maximum level of humiliation, punishment, and judgment (without resulting in death)?
After a few moments the owners of the vehicle would return, only to find their car perfectly placed within the boundaries of a parking spot like a normal citizen would. They, however, would be in varying states of duress, as their car would be balanced quite well, not on its wheels, as would be expected, but quite well on the top, upside down. After what I am sure would be much cursing, hopping up and down, and/or other expressions of utter disbelief, a conveniently-called vehicle would then pull up to tow away the obstruction the topsy-turvy truck* presented. Please note that while the car is brought to its new destination, it would not be placed in its normal, upright position.
*I know it’s not a truck, but it fits the alliteration